Lessons To Learn From Past Relationships
I'm about to get candid and brutally honest. Quite frankly, I think it's what people love or hate the most about me. While reading, you'll probably be asking, "What does this girl know?" Well, I'm the girl that's learned from my past relationships. Or... not-so-relationships I should say...
You Deserve More. You Deserve Better.
Yeah, yeah. You've heard this plenty of times. I swear, it's the one thing you need to convince yourself of. When you really fall for someone, and I mean REALLY fall for someone, you're blind to everything that's in front of you. If one single person ever says you deserve better. YOU DO.
Honesty is the Best Policy. Duh.
Take it from me. I was that girl who always "just wanted to see where things go". I would rather continue a half-ass relationship rather than voice what I wanted because I was scared. With that being said, if you're not honest with him, or better yet, yourself... You'll be in for a long shitty roller coaster. Be honest from the start. Don't "go with the flow". If you want a relationship, tell him. If you don't, tell him that too. As much as we all wish we were mind readers, we're not. If the two of you want different things, the relationship will only get harder.
Believe Your Friends and Family.
If your friends and family don't like the person you like. There is a reason, and you need to trust them. Those on the outside of the relationship can see things you can't. This goes back to being blind and oblivious. You can't always see the major flaws because you want the relationship to work out so badly. Trust the people that actually love you, because even if he says he does. He probably really doesn't...
Accept the Facts.
When you're constantly questioning his motives, you already have a problem. Sure, you can clarify things, and talk things out. Whatever answer you get, keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Don't keep waiting around for that dramatic change of heart or attitude. It's just not meant to be. I REPEAT, It's. Just. Not. Meant. To. Be. He probably really doesn't care, and most likely doesn't mean the "I love you" he told you either. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and on to the next one.
Figure Out Exactly What YOU Want.
People often ask me what it is I want in a relationship. Or they ask me why I stuck around my last one for so long. The only answer I could give them is "I don't know". In my opinion, that was one of my biggest problems. I didn't know what I wanted in a relationship, therefore, I didn't know what to look for in someone. As soon as you determine what it is you want in a relationship, you've set your standards. Your standards are your standards. Don't let anyone tell you what they should be.
At the end of all of this, if you're struggling to get passed any relationship, think of the good 'ol pros and cons trick. What are the pros and cons of your current/past relationship. If your cons out weigh your pros, go back and read the 'accept the facts' bullet point. I think you already know the decision you need to make. You need to grow up without the person, and you need to let them grow up without you. I'm stubborn as hell, so I mean it when I say it'll be hard. Actually, it might be easier than you thought! Nevertheless, I promise you'll be much better off.
Maybe things will change tomorrow, in a year, in 5 years. Whatever it is you're hoping will change, realize today is most likely not that day. If you're struggling to figure out why things are the way they are, just don't you dare go through seven years of back and forth, hot and cold. (Yes, I said seven...) No one deserves that, so let this be the sign for you to start moving passed it.
Now go be that strong independent woman you were born to be! Peace & Blessings ✌🏼